A Snooki Smackdown

8 Jun

Stick figures and Snooki: Two things I never want to be.

Stick figures are lucky though. They can wear anything. I mean, have you seen how low those necklines go without any cleavage?? I’d be arrested for indecent exposure. And those short shorts… I’ve seen chunky honeys trying to wear them. It just doesn’t work.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe in carrying a little budonkadonk junk in your trunk. But for the sake of mankind, please dress it appropriately.

And then there’s Snooki. Some laugh at her. But I applaud her. The lessons she has taught me are invaluable. First and foremost, I am now certain that we are living in end times. Secondly, every time I see a picture of her, I’m reminded of what not to wear.

It’s obvious she doesn’t have much going on upstairs so maybe she just doesn’t realize how trashy she looks. Or maybe she can’t help herself. Or maybe she just doesn’t care. Irregardless, the “woman” needs to learn how to dress.

Check out this number:

Photo by ChicagoPhotoShop

Holy Bumble Snookie!

I’m going to ignore the pumpkin skin and Marge Simpson hair for right now and focus on the “dress”. Seriously, who with a waist bigger than 28″ (that’s small right? I wouldn’t know.) would wear bright yellow from head to toe? Or at least head to mid-thigh? Which brings me to my next question.

Why mid-thigh?    Why?     Why Snooki why?   Thunder is audible; we don’t need to see the source.

And then there’s the non-weight-related issue. When you can’t tell where your hair stops and your jacket begins – something’s gone wrong.

I have never had to use so many quotations in a post before.

Are there any thick celebrities that do look good?


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